Desire and Menstruation

Can you have sex when you are menstruating? Is water wet? Of course, our answer is a resounding: yes!

Some women find their sex drive dwindles when Aunt Flo visits, while others experience an insatiable hunger for satisfaction.

Both are A-okay!

No sex for me, thanks!

Menstruation is often accompanied by wonderful side effects such as bloating, irritation, headaches, fatigue and stomach upset. And that doesn’t exactly stimulate desire.

And you know what - there's absolutely NOTHING wrong with that. You should never have sex if you do not feel like it. Menstruation or not.

If you have a partner, there are still plenty of opportunities to be close during your period.

Maybe you just need to be cuddled and held? Maybe an in-depth lumbar massage is just the thing? Or maybe you feel like spoiling your partner in one way or another without it having to lead to more.

Even if just the thought of having to be sexual with another human being during your period makes you roll your eyes, you may still want (even benefit from) finding time for a little sexy time with yourself.

More on that later – let's look into the 'yes to sex' part first.

I'll have one of each, please!

If your desire is unchanged or grows in intensity when you're menstruating, just follow along.

There’s no reason why you can’t enjoy sex with your partner or with yourself while you're bleeding.

Sex with yourself

There are many benefits to masturbating, and they certainly don't become less important when you're menstruating.

Did you know that when you have an orgasm, your body releases the love hormone Oxytocin and Dopamine, which give you a feeling of happiness and well-being?

Moreover, masturbation can actually relieve your menstrual pain, make you more relaxed and reduce your stress levels.

It sounds heavenly, doesn't it?

Hands-on or not?

If you love to use your hands when you masturbate, keep it up.

If you're less keen on the idea of coming into direct contact with the blood, you can use your shower or some sex toy.

Hands, shower or one clitoral vibrator is absolutely perfect if you’re using tampons or a menstrual cup during your menstruation.

Look inside

You can also stimulate yourself vaginally when you're menstruating. Of course, it just requires free access.

Some women even find that it relaxes the abdomen and reduces menstrual pain further when a dildo or a dildo vibrator massages the vagina from the inside.

You can continue to use your fingers to pleasure yourself, or you can use a dildo with or without vibrations.

Psst! I also (highly) recommend choosing a model with a heating function for extra niceness. It could be Riva from Velve.

Even if you are bleeding and naturally wet, it may be a good idea to use a water-based lubricant.

Visiting hours are open

If you're comfortable with it, there's nothing preventing you from having sex with your partner when you're menstruating.

But you may find it to be over-the-line, and so may your partner.

And while we're all obviously very comfortable with our bodies and their functions, and while menstruation is completely natural – it's okay not to jump in head first.

Get talking

It can be a huge help for yourself and your partner when you put your thoughts into words.

Regardless of your partner's gender, it's impossible for them to keep track of whether you're on day two of heavy flow or barely bleeding.

Talk about whether you're up for the whole thing or whether you're saving penetrative sex until after your period.

I've come across the expression, "A real man gets blood on his sword" (I kid you not), but not all sex partners have such a poetic relationship with your monthly bleed.

Ready, set, ACTION!

After the talk, you have hopefully come up with one or more solutions that work for both of you.

And when you're lying there in bed (or on the sofa, if you're brave), I've got a few tips up my sleeve just for you.

• Underlay: unless you're really into changing bedding, it's a good idea to provide an underlay. A towel is the obvious choice, but an old t-shirt will do.
• Wet wipes: honestly, the blood can be a pain. Not gross, but a little messy. Even with the towel available, wet wipes are a quick and effective solution when blood has dried up or run off.
• Condom: If your male partner is curious but not wildly enthusiastic about the idea of direct contact with blood, wearing a condom is a good idea.
• Wait with penetration: Sex is so much more than penetration of the vagina, so spend time exploring other parts of the body.
• Mutual masturbation: Dip your fingers into your own cookie jar and enjoy the view while you learn each other's best tricks.

Honour your desire 

By now, we know that having sex while you menstruate comes with many benefits that can make your time of the month a bit more pleasant. But you might still struggle with feeling comfortable completely giving yourself over to your desires and enjoying some lovin’ with your partner while you’re bleeding. 

You might TOTALLY be in the mood but feel like something is holding you back. Dive into what that could be. Is it Bodily? Practical? Unmanageable?

Try having an open and honest conversation with your partner. Talk about what you are comfortable with and how you want to satisfy your desires in a way that feels great for you both. 

But remember, as much as it is wonderful to honour your desire, if that just isn't your thing, that's perfectly okay too. There are many other ways to enjoy the feeling of intimacy and closeness with your partner that might feel more comfortable while you menstruate.

All you need is love

If, like me, you tend to get a bit miffed at your body for having to go through yet another handful of days of bleeding and the associated changing of the sheets, then you probably also need the reminder that love goes a long way.

Kill it with kindness, you know.

And what better than a gentle touch and soothing orgasms from yourself or your partner? Well, I certainly can't think of anything better.

Did I mention that you can learn more about menstruation in the blog post here?